I just feel so worn out. I am tired. I have no idea what to write or how to express myself. I have so many ideas when I am crying, but then the ideas disappear. I am lost and I know that everything is my fault now. I apparently treat my mum terribly and I don’t have any respect for my family. I am selfish for bringing my brother down into sadness. Pretty much everything ends up being my fault. Apparently my mum was never rude to me. Or did she ever insult me. And she never said anything to hurt me. Because that is all in my head. My dad never hit me or spat in my face or threatened me, because again that is and was all in my head. Because I am the crazy one who needs to go to hospital. They make me feel guilty for existing. For doing things that they may not approve of. But I have proof of the things they called me. The names. The horrible things that were said and done in front of me. But that is all gone. The laptop with all my diary is gone. All my proof and remembrance over why I should be mad at them is gone. Just gone. So I have nothing on them. Just my memory. But who would believe me? The 15 year old girl who is depressed and suicidal and doesn’t respect her parents. So again, it is all my fault. I feel like there is nothing really to look forward to in the future. I am trapped for another couple of years. Because my parents aren’t doing anything wrong, well at least they think that. Emotional abuse is not important Sophia. We have people come over and say how I talk to my parents badly, and maybe I do. But I just don’t feel like I owe them anything. They have upset me so much, but because they are my parents, I have to look past the emotional abuse and trauma. Because remember a 15 year old has no voice in the world. So I am now a spoilt brat to my parents. That’s great. Makes me feel so much better. And I have lost all my friends. I isolated myself from everyone. My depression dug me deeper and I just cried and cried and pushed my friends away. And now I have no one there for me. I have a few friends, but they are always busy. Popular. Skinny. Boyfriends. Everything that I’m not. But it doesn’t matter, because I am a normal teenager. Everyone goes through this. I feel invisible. Just invisible. Really upset and I am hurting inside. I am exhausted and I fall over regularly (and collapse), but my mum doesn’t think it is serious. Because she is always right. No doctor. Nothing. Because I’m 15, and I have no say or voice. So I just suffer, falling over and crying when I collapse and black out. I guess I just feel irrelevant. I am nothing. I am another typical teenage girl who’s life is fine. Who didn’t nearly see her parents divorce, who didn’t move to the other side of the world because their family was too poor, who dealt with a year of depression and wanted to end their life numerous times and who fails school and has lost every friend they have ever had. This sounds all perfectly normal to me.
*mariah carey voice* ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMASSSSSS IIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is to get xkit for the tumblr app
…what once was mine
hahaha i gave up and went to watch gossip girl :3
HEY TUMBLR, LET’S PLAY A GAME
To play this game, go to MapCrunch, select “hide location”, make sure you have all countries unselected, and click go. What this will do is drop you in a random part of the world. It’s as if you woke up on the side of a road in an unfamiliar country. The goal of the game is to find your way to an airport so you can return home.
Bonus Hard Mode: No using outside sources, and that includes using google maps to figure out your location from signs or landmarks
…I had plans today but now.
THE AIRPORT GAME IS BACK.
FUCK THIS GAME
LAST TIME I PLAYED IT DUMPED ME IN THE MOUNTAINS OF NORWAY
I PLAYED FOR LIKE 8 HOURS BEFORE BREAKING DOWN CRYING
OMG NO STOP THIS GAME IS MY LIFE!!!
WHY IS THIS BACK
I HAVEN’T USED THIS GIF SINCE FEBRUARY
I’M IN THE OCEAN. MAYBE THESE MOTHERFUCKING SEALS CAN GIVE ME DIRECTIONS.
if no one has told you recently or even if someone has told you recently let me just say
- i am proud of you
- i hope your day was ok
- i hope tomorrow is ok
- i hope your whole week is ok
- you are rad as heck
- you being here and alive makes everything even more rad as heck
- and dang
- you are hella cute
"I’m learning how to survive..”